In my last post, I wrote about taking a look at what society says a little differently. It’s true societies developed because there is a deep need and desire within us to connect. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, Love and Belonging are smack dab in the middle. In other words, to connect is pretty darn important for our overall well-being. Because of this, we have learned to follow the rules and work to fit in as well as we are able. But what if that isn’t how we gain true connection?
When you think about all the ways you have worked to fit in with society and how often no matter what you do, you still don’t seem to quite fit, doesn’t it make you sometimes feel even less connected than before you tried? You join the book club only to find out it isn’t about books at all and the entire meeting is spent discussing unrelated topics. You get brave enough to join a chess tournament and discover there are cliques already formed and no one making room for a newbie. You wear that outfit that was the latest fashion then hear someone say you are trying too hard. Or you go to that church and say all the right things but still walk away feeling judged and alone.
The list of examples could go on and on, but the really sad factor is that it happens even in the privacy of one’s home. Behind closed doors and in places no one will ever see, we follow the rules or judge ourselves for failing to follow the rules. In more recent times there is a big deal being made about making one’s bed each and every morning. The advice is that if you do not, you are not starting your day out on the right footing and none of the rest of your day will be as productive or good.
Here is what is wrong with that message: To agree with it means that you must agree making the bed is a productive and organized use of your time. You must agree that having it unmade will somehow be with you all day long, hounding you in the back of your mind and declaring you are less than you could be. You must also agree that this is somehow going to show through in the rest of your work. The bed being made or unmade causes you to succeed or fail. When you start looking at the elements of the idea making your bed is how each and everyone should start their day, can you see the absurdity of it? Yet it is accepted all across social media and thousands of people have made the extra effort to ensure their beds are made despite the fact absolutely no one will ever know one way or another.
I didn’t buy into the theory I needed to make my bed to be a good human being, but I had continued to buy into it in other areas like folding my towels. One day it hit me there was absolutely no reason to do it. Sure, I do fold my guest towels because in spite of my improper and wicked nature (that’s playful sarcasm), I do understand sometimes it is easier to simply “play nice”, but my kitchen towels and bath towels for my own bathroom are lovingly tossed in their places. They are put away. They simply aren’t folded. I am saving time and breaking the rules all at the same time.
The importance of wisely breaking society’s rules is the real meat of this post.
The moment we begin questioning whether or not what society tells us to do or think is actually reasonable and settles with our spirits is the moment we begin to break free. Before you blindly believe and go along with things ask yourself what Jesus asked. “Who do you say I am?” If the answer is you are a person who agrees with whatever thing you are examining that society thinks should be, than by all means, live by that standard. But if there is even a tiny portion within you saying, “Gee, I don’t know if this is right for me” please, please pause and figure out what IS right for you then do that!
In the short term, you might lose a few people along the way. You might be considered odd or different and stand out in the crowd, but in the end, when you are living by who you know yourself to be at your very core, you will be connected and at peace.